An intense start to the year!

He’s gone

While I was in Martinique, I received one of the most difficult pieces of news of my life. The sudden death of a friend. Zabulon was the co-leader of the YWAM Champagne base. He died in Tanzania, along with many other people, in an accident between a bus and a truck. The whole world was shocked. It was barely a week after our arrival on the island of Martinique… The shock. I felt the immense importance of fighting my « whys », of not letting doubt creep into my mind. I chose to believe in God’s goodness, justice and faithfulness, despite the shock and pain. That doesn’t mean I didn’t cry. I did a lot of activity while crying. The tears had to flow, it was like a tribute to his life. But there’s one thing that Christiane, co-leader of the base with Zab, and responsible for our trip to Martinique, told me: « Zabulon wouldn’t have wanted us to stop and go home ». And I knew she was right. He had told me so many stories about his practical phases in Africa, the difficulties, the victories and the funny moments… Each time what stood out was his faith in God, his peace, because he knew what God he was serving! I was very edified by these stories, and I often asked him how he managed not to panic or get upset, and he calmly told me « what’s the point, the students have learned something and God has taken care of it afterwards ».

So I thought, if I’m going to continue this mission I need to lean even more on the truth of who God is, even though this accident doesn’t make any sense and I had thousands of questions in my head. And in fact I believe it has solidified my faith. It’s strange to say, and I don’t quite understand how it worked. But I feel I have less doubt in me, fewer unanswered questions that used to frustrate me and drive me away from God.

There are still moments when it’s hard, songs that bring back memories accompanied by a few tears. It’s hard to say goodbye, to see your sons and daughter grow up without him… I think that’s what breaks my heart the most. But I choose to believe that God will manage and be there for them every moment of their lives. After all, He is ABBA, God the Father.

Another thing that has impacted me greatly through Zab’s departure is witnessing the strength of community. It’s a term that can quickly sound sectarian, but it’s what we are, a community, a family. I’ve been overwhelmed by the way we’ve helped each other and been there for each other. And that’s an immense treasure! I love this team, I love this dynamic, I find it soothing. It goes beyond praying together, it flows into everyday life, concrete challenges, everyday needs… it’s more than just words.